Mailbag 17

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From: Jorge Rodriguez <r.jorge72@yahoo.com>

Chris,

Much like you, I am a straight male, but everybody thinks I am a homosexual. They told me the only way to prove I am straight is to make a video of myself making out with a man, then say it was disgusting. Should I make the video to prove I'm straight? What's the best way to prove I AM STRAIGHT?

Yours in the bear,

Jorge Rodriguez

P.S. You mentioned that when you see a dick, you get disgusted and look away, but what will you do if you're changing your son's diaper? How can you change his diaper while not looking at him? Will you cover his dick with your Sonichu medallion so you can't see it?

There are other ways; you should Make Out With A Woman and say it was Awesome, not how it was originally written, and make the video on that.

I'll deal with changing my children's diapers when I cross that bridge.

--ChrisChanSonichu 04:56, 14 December 2009 (CET)

From: jromans73@aol.com

What kind of hair products have you tried? I noticed in some of your newer videos that your hair is thinning and you are going bald so I was wondering what products you tried so far. Have you tried Rogaine?

- Joe Romans

Firstly, I am NOT going bald, and second, I use AXE brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner. As portrayed in ALL their comercials, AXE is for the Straight Man to help them Get and Keep Their Woman. Now on the Playstation Network for Free, Download the NEW Smooth Jarvis Theme where it further proves that AXE is for the everyday Straight Man. And go Pits-To-Chest with the AXE brand Deoderants as well, availble in most retail stores. --ChrisChanSonichu 04:56, 14 December 2009 (CET)

From: Bret Kinney <bretkinney@gmail.com> What would you do if you DID get married?

Live the everday American life as a Happily Married man and Father.

From: Hamsty the Hamster <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>

How do you feel about Barack Obama's stance on health care?

Do you feel the stimulus has done its part to strengthen America or has it worsened the economy? Why or why not?

Do you believe Joe Biden is doing a good enough job? Why?

Do you believe in global warming? Why?

It is fair, but America is NOT ready for Obama's plan yet, because we can not afford it yet. The yearly stimulus helps well; it's more money in our pockets to spend as we wish. Joe is doing what he can. I am against global warming, because it would be terrible for the Earth.

From: jpopstar666@aol.com If you woke up one morning to find you were a female, what would you do?

Actually, I had imagined that situation before and thought about it, in the scenario where I had a mind/body-swap with a woman. Firstly, I would be surprised, but I would maintain my cool. I would contact my cell or home number, talk to the other person in my body, and get the news of her daily routine, and I would tell her mine, and we'd go along as such until we switched back. --ChrisChanSonichu 04:56, 14 December 2009 (CET)

From: Chris Hutchinson <menchib@gmail.com>

Hello again Chris!

You just proclaimed in your latest comic that you went to the future and had awesome sex with your future wife! Congratulations! Now my question is, do we get to find out who your future wife is soon? We're all dying to find out! And secondly will your future wife ever find out that a past version of her husband came to the future to rape her?

Thanks again Chris, keeps those awesome comics coming!

I made that Clear, her Name is Lovely Weather, and she is a hot woman who is smart, sweet and all that goodness. AGAIN, IT WAS NOT RAPE; she mistook me for my future self, and INVITED ME to have sex with her.

From: Sacha <lordbeluga@gmail.com>

Salutations Christian,

Consider this hypothetical scenario; say that your Adult Chronicles game idea were to be instead adapted into a Live-Action movie (like Dragon Ball Zs recent Transition to the Big Screen) and by some strange, Twist of Fate, you weren't able to star in the movie as yourself, who would you choose to Fill Your Role?

Which actor do you think possesses your Likeness the most?

Who would play Sonichu and Rosechu?

Who would you get to direct?

Much Regards,

Sacha

Off the top of my head, I'd want Jerry Seinfeld to play me in the movie. I'd want to direct it myself, if not, then someone else, I don't know that many directors. Sonichu and Rosechu - Me and my gal-pal would Voice them.

Dear Chris,

I, much like you, received a vision of God, Jesus in my dreams telling me that I will have a son named Copper -- like the useful conductive metal. I have been recycling my son for many years now but I have had several STRESSFUL and FRANTIC situations with regards to my comeuppance. Sometimes I dream of me and my one true and honest love engaging in the acts of sex. When I awaken from these acts of sex I find that my briefs or sheets have been filled with my future to be son. The first time this happened I screamed and frantically sucked up my son so he would be safe within me once more.

This problem in the past had only occurred every once in a great while. I find it happening more frequently and find myself waking up and frantically sucking my son out of my sheets or briefs as I continue to dream more and more of my elusive, one true love. I was wondering if you, being a prominent figure that I look up have had problems like this yourself. Do you have any advice for me on how I can be more prepared for this situation? I really could use some pointers here because I am very afraid that I may lose my son if I am not ever vigilant in recycling myself, even when I sleep.

Your true and honest loyal fan,

-Stu Pidass (P.S. I apologise if you find my name offensive, it was legally changed years ago during a blackmail incident and I cannot change it back yet. Damn those trolls.)

Try thinking of OTHER things that are NOT romantic or sexual, like sports or whatever; the different topics would change your dreams.