Mailbag 33

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From: Lucas Johnston <l.johnston2194@gmail.com>

hello chris, I've been interviewing people for a while to survey different belifs in the community (for the U.S Census Bureau) I deal with the misuderstanding of different customs. I've stummbled on the Sonichu stuff a little while ago and i was interested i asking you some typical questions i ask people.

1) What do you think of people of different faiths other than your own (this includes Satanism,Atheism, Agnosticism)

2) How do you feel about the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual community? do they deserve the same rights as anyone else?

3) how do you feel about people of different political parties, political parties spanning from Anarchism to Facism.

4) How do you feel about Drugs? Drugs such as Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigarettes, Alchol, etc.

5) Do you hold any distaste for any worldly culture?

6) Are you uncomfortable about people of Color? do you have any tensions twords them?

7) Are you disturbed or disgusted by different types of music? many people dislike Death Metal: http://tinyurl.com/ch2yl5

8) What do you think of our current president? Is he decieving Americans as the Right Wing has expressed?

9) Do you think Countries such as the Soviet Union or North Korea Are actually Communist?

10) How do you think the situation in Afganistan is going? Is there anything you would do differnt?

I hope you respond to the questions thank you very much, Lucas

1) If I really cared that much about what my fans had to say I'd answer these questions. I do not. Surf Shack Tito might care a little more than me but he's just a nigger.

From: Mattioli Method <mattiolimethod@gmail.com>

Do you believe the number of fans you have outnumbers the number of trolls you have?

-Matt

I can not say for certain, but I like to believe that I have More Good and Honset Fans than Dark, Evil Trolls.

From: Carmen Granger <loveonanescalator@yahoo.com> So who did you kiss on New Year's Eve?

Who do you think? My blowup doll. Let me set the scene for you. The clock struck 12 and I had no one to kiss so I kissed it. All the memories of dating what turned out to be an underage boy came back and I felt really bad. It was actually one of the sadder moments in my life. Thanks for bringing it up!

From: bella <somatological@yahoo.com>

Hey Chris, four questions for the new year! 2010! Yeah!

Ok 1. Do you know that Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins in the Bible? So isn't it a straight ticket to hell if you wish suicide on someone? Please PLEASE tell me your reasoning. I'm not slandering you, I'm just curious.

2. How do you feel about your church accepting homosexuals as God's children? Again, not trying to anger you, just curious.

3. Do lesbians go to Heaven and do gays go to Hell?

4. What is your EARLIEST instance of fearing gay men?

Thanks for reading, Chris. Peace,

Bella

A lot of these questions are really stupid and simple. Why did you bother asking them? Are you really that stupid? You must be black or something.

From: Seth Sethson <totallyfine2@gmail.com>

Chris, you state that "All Sonic Games" are among the best games ever.

You are so horribly wrong. You see, Sonic 2006 is included in that.

And Sonic 2006 is known as one of the worst games ever. Period.

Video games are an art form, and the game failed to entertain. The plot was utterly terrible, confusing, and the romance involved made Star Wars Episode II(George Lucas is generally thought of as a poor romance writer) look like Romeo and Juliet. Oh, and that's not my "Opinion", Sega fired the entire writing staff responsible for that abomination. Look it up.

Many of the graphics were just placeholders from SA1. Graphical inferiority included. Lazyness is not fun to look at.

And the loading screens, my god the loading screens. I once watched a Let's Play of the game. At the end, the players clocked their total amount of time spent staring at the loading screens--two hours. Out of a 20 hour file. They spent 10% of the game watching the other 90% load. Most games spent 1% of the time loading, just to give you a reference point.

The Mach Speed sections suffered from poor control and level design(that means the logical placing of obstacles, not just how the level looks).

Oh, and during said Let's Play, they read all the reviews in all the gaming magazines that reviewed it. Only one gave it anything higher than an "F", and that was later revealed as the critic in question being pressured into giving it a good review against his will.

I Do Not Care for the CRITICS' OPINIONS on ANY Sonic Game. God damn it I wasted my life on them I should at least live in a fantasy world where they are all good!

From: Elise Oram <elise.oram@gmail.com>

Hi Chris! My name is Elise. I live in Indiana, which is a state that has a lot of corn. I have been reading Sonichu since March. I hadn't read the Asperchui comic you labelled as a homo parody until today, because of how much you hated it, but I got curious. After reading the whole thing, i felt I should email you to tell you that I think you've got the wrong idea about it. It's only a parody of Sonichu insofar as Sonichu is a parody of Sonic. I found it to be a very touching tribute to you, because Mr. Leary clearly feels that you and your life and accomplishments have inspired him. Asperchu isn't in any way portrayed as a homo. I don't think you even read it from the way you are reacting. I believe you should give it a new chance and "Open Your Heart" as Sonic would say.

Thanks for your time!

Elise O

Shits gay, I'd know after all. I think about gay men a lot you know, more than the average straight man. Strange huh?

From: Hamsty the Hamster <hamstythehamster@gmail.com> Shit son, if Gay 4 Sonichu really is fuckin' up your creations, why don't you just STRAIGHT UP TELL THEM? I mean shit, they have a message board. It's right here: http://gay4sonichu.xxxfaster.net/.

Hamsty, you need to quit being a fucker. I'll seriously make an exception to my "You don't rape hamsters" rule if you don't knock it the fuck off. I'd like to strap a knife to you and have you fight in cage matches.

From: blockkick78@aol.com My FAVORITE holiday in the world is Halloween. I love dressing up as monsters when I was a kid. What did you dress up as when you went out Trick-or-Treating? I'd really appreciate as full a list as you can provide, including years, any comments you might have on the costumes, and/or even pictures if you have some.

I have not Trick-or-Treated in years. If I eat anymore candy I'll have to buy new clothes. Christ I'm fat as hell, think I'm up to 250.

From: Ed Burke <edburke@live.com>

Chris, you are balding. It's okay; there are products that can help save your hair. I suggest Rogaine, but you can do some additional research on your own.

If you do not believe me, please show the top of your head clearly in your next youtube video. That way, your hairline will be a matter of record. If I am wrong about your hair I will not only admit it, but also tell all my friends who think you are losing your hair that they are wrong.

I'm trying to help you here buddy. The trolls say you're going bald. If you're not, you can prove it and shut them up. If you are, there are ways to save your here. Take control.

I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor. UPDATE: My hair is thinning, I bet all the trolling is making it fall out. And I thought getting laid was hard before!

From: Bill The Scientist <billthescientist@hotmail.co.uk>

DEAR CWC,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NO COMMENT?! I FEEL THAT READERS WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YAWNING SQUIRTLE, THE BOULDER DROPPING WHALE, AND ME (BILL THE SCIENTIST), NOT FOR OUR OWN EGOTISTICAL NEED FOR RECOGNITION, (OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT), BUT FOR THE FANS, MAN! THE FANS LOVE US, WE HAVE LITERALLY SEVERAL FANS, WE ARE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS, IF YOU TAKE A QUIZ ON WHICH CHARACTERS ARE THE MOST POPULAR, WE'D BE THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS.

PEACE OUT,

BILL THE SCIENTIST

Those characters are ONE-TIME; I have not much care for their popularity. Actually, I don't really care about Sonichu either. Doing my own hobby as a job turned out to suck, why can't I just magically become rich and popular. My dad is taking his sweet ass time on figuring out how to get me sex.